


I See Both Sides Like Chanel.

by Eatons



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bisexual Character, Bisexuality, Heat Waves Inspired, M/M, dnf isn't canon in this but i might do a spin off after this is over who knows, dream helps him tho, sapnap and dream are homies 4 life, sapnap is confused, there's an oc lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:34:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28061763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eatons/pseuds/Eatons
Summary: Sapnap laughed, “well, you’re not Rose, are you?”Karl’s face fell slightly, “no I suppose not. Are you disappointed it’s me?”“you could never disappoint me. Are you disappointed to be here?”“you are the furthest thing from my disappointment.”ORheat waves but make it karlnap.
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 34
Kudos: 200





	1. Wheat Field.

**Author's Note:**

> this is heat waves inspired :) enjoy

There he woke, face up, vision blurry, in the same painfully familiar setting.

It’s dark, tall wheat being the only thing surrounding him in this field void of life.

Sapnap lets out an exasperated sigh as his vision clears and he finds himself back in this place.

Every night, his thoughts carry him away to wherever the hell this is when he drifts to sleep.

_When the hell am I going to have a normal dream again,_ he thinks to himself as he lays himself back down.

He’s hoping, praying even, that tomorrow when his head hits the pillow he’ll end up anywhere but here. Everything is gray here, the only color visible to him is purple. Nick wonders if George always sees the world like this.

He breathes in sharply, the only solace to him being the fresh air of the outdoors and the cool breeze on this blazing Texas night.

_It’ll be a damn miracle if I ever have a normal dream._

;

“Sapnap? You alright dude?”

“Yeah I’m fine, just didn’t get much sleep is all,” he replies lazily to his floridian friend. He knows he’s out of it, but he can’t be bothered to pay attention when there’s only one thing on his mind.

Dream lets out a scoff, “dude, you’ve been complaining about that stupid dream for fucking ever now.”

“I didn’t say anything about a dream,” Sapnap tries in protest, but it comes out as more of a whine than anything.

“Okay then,” he could hear the smugness in Dream’s voice, “so why exactly did you get no sleep last night?”

The question hung in the air with a weight that Sapnap was stubborn to admit irritated him, “do we have to talk about this??”

“You’ve barely been paying attention to what I’ve been explaining, so yes, we are going to talk about this. Just refresh my memory of the dream.”

Sapnap sighed, irritation abundantly apparent, “I usually wake up face up on the ground, but my vision is blurred. Well, it’s blurred until I stand up and then I find myself standing in a wheat field in the middle of fucking nowhere.”

“Is it always a wheat field?” dream asks.

Sapnap shrugs, “yeah I guess. But there’s one other thing. Everything is… dull. I can only see gray except for…”

“Except for..?” his friend prompts.

“Purple. Except for purple.”

That earned a wheeze from Dream, “what are you, George? That’s it? that’s the big scary dream keeping your thoughts occupied as I’m updating you on this week’s script?”

“whatever, forget it.”

“no dude, come on, i’m sorry, I’m just saying there are far worse things you can be dreaming about. I mean, at least it’s not a nightmare, or anything.”

Sapnap hums in agreement, “yeah, I suppose you’re right. It’s just weird that it keeps happening I guess.”

“Well, yeah, I get that. Just, try not to overthink it? This is important and I need your head in this storyline right now. The fans are gonna go nuts.”

“Alright, alright, Mr. fan service, i'm listening,” Sapnap laughed softly, his mind already wandering again as dream resumes his previous monologue.

;

Sapnap glanced over at the clock. 3:41 AM. He groaned, placing his head in his hands. He was dreading the thought of revisiting sleep and more specifically, his wheat field. He was exhausted, yes, but he needed a distraction right now and there’s only one person in the world who can keep his attention for hours at a time.

_hey u up?_

_**KARL JACOBS** is typing…_

_u alright?? Wanna vc?_

_u read my mind gorgeous, vc 3_

Sapnap was already waiting in vc 3 as he heard the ping indicating his friend had joined.

“Helloooooo,” Karl singsonged as he held out the O for entirely too long.

Sapnap grinned at that, “Karl Karl Karl, what’s up?”

“You tell me man, your discord notification snapped me awake. I was halfway to sleeping too!” Karl feigned annoyance, and Sapnap couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt.

“Nothing really. Just bored I guess.”

“dude, come on, you can talk to me. It’s 3 in the morning, and for some reason you’re not sleeping.”

“Well,” sapnap started begrudgingly, “I don’t really want to go to sleep, I guess.”

“Nightmares?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Karl lets out a sarcastic giggle, “can’t believe my fiancee is having nightmares and didn’t tell me. No, but seriously, do you want to talk about it?”  
  


Suddenly in this moment, sapnap was feeling very exposed. So exposed that he panicked, mumbled an excuse of ‘I think I’ll try to sleep now,’ and left the call without another word.

_sorry if that made you uncomfy :(_

_please do get some rest tho. Goodnight hubby :D_

Sapnap couldn’t help but smile at his fake fiancee’s concern. He had only known Karl for a couple months, but he felt like he’d known him for years. There’s something about Karl that made him feel known, seen. Maybe it was his childlike innocence, or the way he made sure nobody was ever left out of the conversation, but Karl had quickly become one of Sapnap’s best friends, and he couldn’t say he’s upset about the little guy worming his way into his life.

And plus, he’s adorable.

Wait. Where the hell did THAT come from?

_Maybe I should try for sleep,_ sapnap admits to himself before rising from his office chair and plopping down onto his bed. He shuffles under the covers and brings his hands behind his head to be sandwiched between him and his pillow. He lets his eyes flutter shut.

And when he finds his vision focusing to reveal tall wheat surrounding him under the night sky, he doesn’t know why he’s surprised.

;

Sapnap sighed as he got up off the ground to do his routine 360 turn. Nothing to be seen for miles except wheat and the low glow of the constellations above him.

“Nick?” a voice from behind him said.

He froze. He knew that voice. He knew that voice painfully well.

“Rose?” he breathed out before even turning around.

Finally he turned to meet her gaze, a short girl with auburn hair and freckles that could be counted for days. He’s tried. He only ever got to 53.

She smiled warmly, although sadness was apparent in her eyes, “long time, no see, huh?”

“Why are you here?” he asked, coming off as more hostile then he intended, although she probably deserved it.

She faltered, her warm smile fading. The question hung in the air for far too long before she turned and started off in the opposite direction.

“Rose? Rose wait-“ he called out, desperate for her to stay.

_Don’t go,_ he pleaded in his mind, _not again._

He reached a hand out in an attempt to grab her shoulder, but she disappeared into the night, the image of her fading.

He thought of her fiery hair and pink shirt, exactly how she’d looked the night she left.

;

_Hey, you free to call?_ He hit send before he could rethink.

_Yeah, give me a sec_ dream’s reply came through instantly.

Sapnap’s phone started to buzz, and he wasn’t surprised to see an incoming facetime call from Clay. He accepted immediately.

“Yo, i'm about to feed patches. What’s up?”

“You know that dream I keep telling you about?” Sapnap replied hesitantly.

“The wheat field, yes,” Dream replied, obviously irritated at the topic.

“I wasn’t alone last night.”

“Who else was there?”

“Um it was…” sapnap was trying to get her name out, but there was a prominent lump in his throat preventing him from speaking, “sorry,” he choked out.

“Dude, it’s okay. Just breathe,” Dream instructed calmly.

Sapnap took in a shaky breath, and exhaled deeply, taking his time before continuing.

“I saw her, dream. It was… her, she was there.”

The silence was thick in the air, dream’s sigh being louder than it should have been.

“rose?” dream asked cautiously.

Sapnap nodded, eyes looking anywhere but his screen.

“Dude,” dream paused, “are you okay? Did she… say anything?”

Sapnap scoffed at the thought. _Nothing of any importance to me,_ he thought. He refrained from saying that.

“she said, ‘long time no see, huh?’ I wonder why,” he scoffed again, “I know it shouldn’t still bother me. It’s been a year, but she’s just randomly decided to show up in my dreams? Bullshit.”

And it was. Bullshit that it’s been a year and she’s still lingering in his mind. He’s tried, he’s tried so fucking hard to forget. But how do you forget about your first love? Your first heartbreak?

“I’m so fucking sorry. Are you okay? Honestly? Do you wanna talk about it?”

The truth is, Sapnap did want to talk about it. He wanted to scream and shout and punch a wall and cry into his pillow for hours. After she left, he never did. He tried desperately not to feel anything. He didn’t want to give her the satisfaction.

_I'm fucking pathetic,_ he thought to himself.

“I don’t know, Dream. I guess i'm just… I don’t know. I haven’t really let myself process my feelings,” there was a sadness in his voice that would be impossible for his friend to miss.

“Listen, man. You’re better off without her and you know it. Just, think about it. You need to take control of this.”

“I know it’s just hard,” sapnap said with more scorn than he intended.

Dream sighed, “I know. I’m trying to help you, man. I can’t really do that if you keep snapping at me.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I guess I just need to think about this.”

“that sounds wise. And seriously, if you need to talk it out, I’m here. I’ll talk to you later man.”

Sapnap managed to mumble a “later” in response before the call ended.

He put his phone back on the charger and grabbed his airpods from the nightstand beside him. He opened spotify and shuffled his privated sad playlist.

_**Don’t you know I’m no good f** **or you** _

Of fucking course. Of course this song starts playing when he’s in the middle of an emotional breakdown about her.

**_I’ve learned to lose, you can’t afford to_ **

He grabs his pillow and holds it close. He thinks about her in his arms, and waking up with an empty space beside him. He thinks about mumbled **I love you** ’s and **I’m fine** ’s and then a scribbled _**I’m sorry**_ on her abandoned pillowcase.

_**Tore my shirt to stop you’re bleedin’** _

He thinks about the countless hoodies he’ll never get back. The countless **are you cold?** ’s and not thinking twice as he shrugs off his jacket and places it around her shivering frame.

_**But nothin’ ever stops you leavin’** _

She left. She left and she didn’t come back. She never will come back. Her sweet laugh echoes in his head, and he breaks.

He feels the tears well up, and for the first time, he lets them fall.

_**Quiet when I’m comin’ home, and I’m on my own** _

He hugs his pillow tighter, and sobs. He sobs, letting the emotional floodgate flow. It’s been a year, she’s gone. She’s gone and he convinced himself to be numb.

He stays like that for god knows how long, and when the tears stop flowing, he lets out a laugh.

Ironic, huh?

He trudges to the bathroom and grabs some toilet paper to wipe his eyes and blow his nose.

_Yeah, she’s gone, but that was her choice. She didn’t leave because of me._

_She didn’t leave because of me._

The thought echoes once, twice, ten times.

He breathes in and exhales.

It’s been a year and he hasn’t let himself heal, he wouldn’t. But now he thinks he can breathe a little easier and see flowers in a new light.

He smiles to himself and makes his way back to his room, plopping onto the bed and getting comfortable under the covers. His eyes flutter shut.

He thinks maybe now, he can let go.

And sure enough, he finds himself back in the same wheat field, back to the regularly scheduled loneliness and the purple hue in a sea of gray.

;

Sapnap woke up with a pounding headache and a stuffy nose. He let out a groan, _of course I’m fucking sick._ He makes his way to his chair and boots up his pc. He opens discord to see his best friends in a voice call. He rolls his eyes, _not really in the mood for George being oblivious today,_ he thinks as he notices Karl waiting in their own voice call. He smiles, knowing the other boy is probably waiting for him to join.

“Karl Jacobs, are you waiting on voice call for me?” he teased as he joined the call.

Karl giggled, “isn’t that what this channel is for?”

“Alright, alright, I digress. What are you up to?”

“Well I’m about to fix this roller coaster, but I’m not streaming today, so I might grab a bite to eat with chris later. You?”

Sapnap laughed, “not the roller coaster, oh god. A tragedy really. I’m not streaming today either, I woke up hella sick. Last night was pretty rough so I need some comfort.” He cringed at his last sentence, although it’s true.

“You wanna talk about it? I’m a good listener.”

Sapnap knows it’s true. He’s spent many nights over the past month on this voice channel talking about anything under the sun. Karl loves to hear about Texas, he found out two weeks ago.

“You know how I mentioned the… nightmares.” Sapnap said hesitantly.

“Well, barely. I know you’ve been having trouble sleeping, but you didn’t really tell me much else. Which is completely fine, by the way. You can talk about it when you’re ready.”

Sapnap smiled as a familiar warmth bloomed in his chest. _How did he always know what to say?_

“Well, I do kinda want to talk about it. If that’s okay with you, of course.”

“Yes! Yes, of course, anything, Sap,” Sapnap could hear the eagerness dripping from his words and couldn’t help but giggle.

Sapnap coughed a couple times before speaking, “well, they’re not really nightmares. Most would say quite the opposite really. I wake up on the ground and… my vision is blurred. But then I stand up and my vision clears and I’m in a field… a wheat field.”

“That’s really random.”

“Well yeah, but also, everything is gray, or dull I guess. Except for purple. I can see purple hues and stuff.”

“Wow that’s really fucking random,” Karl lets out a giggle which Sapnap joins in on.

“Yeah, but last night was…weird?”

“you sound unsure. What happened last night?” Karl questioned.

“Okay so obviously, normally I’m just alone, but last night I wasn’t. there was… somebody from my past.”

Karl snorted, “I had a dream about my ex last night too.”

A beat of silence, and then Sapnap spoke, “how did you know it was an ex,” more of a statement than a question.

“come on Sap,” Karl audibly rolled his eyes, “I know you. I know everything about you except for your dating history. It’s the one thing you won’t talk about.”

Sapnap forced a laugh, “yeah, I suppose. It’s just hard to, or it used to be. Lately, I’ve had some reconciling.”

“Do you wanna talk about it now?”

“Yeah… yeah, I think I do.”

And so he did.

“...and I woke up and she was gone. Not a letter except an ‘I’m sorry’ note left on her pillowcase. I never got an explanation or anything. An entire year I gave everything to her, and she still left.”

The words hung in there air for a few moments before a sniffle was heard on the other line.

“Holy shit, sorry,” Karl breathed out, “I don’t know why I’m crying. That didn’t even happen to me, but fuck. That’s rough.”

At this, Sapnap let out a laugh, a genuine one, “don’t cry for me, Jacobs. It was a long time ago but I’m learning to deal with it.”

“I’m glad you’re moving past it. That’s not your fault, you know.”

Sapnap exhaled, “I know that now, thanks.” It felt nice to hear it from somebody other than his conscience. Or maybe just because it was Karl.

“So she just… showed up in your dream? Like out of nowhere?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I turned around to find her standing behind me. She said, ‘long time no see, huh?’”

Karl cringed, “jesus, that’s horrible.”

“how about you? You dreamed about an ex too, I mean I know that’s not really easy.”

Karl snorted, “yeah, I don’t really wanna discuss it right now. We weren’t together for long at all, and we’re still friends, it’s not a big deal.”

“alright, alright. Wanna hop on the smp for a bit?”

Karl smiled, “I thought you’d never ask.”

They booted up Minecraft, and the two played for a couple hours, forgetting about any responsibilities that tethered them to reality.

“hey Ni- uh, sorry, sapnap? I think I’m gonna hop off, chris won’t stop bothering me about going out. We’re probably gonna grab a bite to eat.”

“it’s fine, Jacobs, I understand. Have fun on your date. WITHOUT me,” sapnap teased.

Karl chuckled, “come on, I’ll go on a date with you once you actually come to NC.”

“yeah right,” sapnap scoffed, “I’ll see you later. Oh, and, it’s okay if you call me Nick.”

Karl spluttered out a ‘goodbye’ as he disconnected from the channel. Sapnap smiled to himself at the boy’s embarrassment. He pulled out his phone and opened his messages.

_make sure he has you home by 10,_ sapnap sent the message and closed his phone, giggling to himself. He turned his attention back to Minecraft to see that dream had joined the game.

_**Dream whispered to you:** vc?_

He didn’t bother typing a reply as he joined the voice call dream was waiting for him in. he heard his best friend mutter a hello to him before beginning to ramble about the latest twitter war he’d been pulled into.

“Sapnap?”

No reply.

“Yooo, Sapnap.”

No reply.

“Nick!”

This caught his attention, “what? Why are you calling me nick out of the blue?”

“It’s not out of the blue dipshit, I said Sapnap like 3 times. What are you so spaced out about? Is it rose again.”

“nah, I talked to Jacobs about it, it’s all good,” he replied nonchalantly, not meaning to let the nickname slip.

Dream snorted, “Jacobs? You mean Karl?”

“Same thing,” he shrugged.

“Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better about the situation. Doesn’t really explain why you’re so distracted.”

“Karl left me to go eat with his little boyfriend,” he mumbled.

There was a short beat of silence before Dream let out a wheeze, “you’re jealous of Chris!! Oh my god, that’s hilarious. You’ve known each other for like 2 months and you’re so clingy. George is going to love this.”

“Hey, what the hell? I’m not jealous, I’d just rather be playing Minecraft with somebody less boring.”

“Right,” dream didn’t sound convinced, “George just texted me, he’s asking me to facetime.”

“Yeah, yeah, go talk to your boyfriend. Everyone is leaving me today.”

Dream laughed and gave his apologies before disconnecting and presumably going to facetime the brit. Sapnap sighed as he heard a ding come from his phone. He looked down and laughed at the notification.

_help, he won’t stop talking about his wife. I’m starting to think this isn’t a real date_

_if you had stayed with me, Jacobs, you’d be the object of my affection_

_am I not already? WTF_

Sapnap laughed at that as he placed his phone on his nightstand. He laid down in an attempt to rest his eyes, but couldn’t find it in himself to care when he felt himself drift to sleep. He woke to the familiar sight of wheat and was relieved to find that he was alone, nothing but the purple hues and night sky to keep him company.

;

Sapnap woke around 3 in the morning to the sound of his phone vibrating. He grabbed his phone, barely conscious, and barely registered Karl’s name across the screen with an incoming facetime call.

He pressed the green button, “Jacobs?” he mumbled.

Finally, the facetime connected and his screen was filled with a grinning brunette with his headset on.

Sapnap grinned back as Karl spoke, “hi Nick. oh, did you just wake up? Sorry,” he said, almost shyly.

“Yeah, your call woke me up. It’s 3 am, Jacobs what’s up?”

“Oh just bored,” he smiled, “you can go back to sleep if you want, George and dream are on call. George says hi.”

“Hi George. What about dream?”

“Dream- shut up! He’s being annoying.”

“Alright, I’m hopping on the channel now, give me a sec,” he hung up and made his way to his pc. He opened discord and joined their call.

“Heyo,” he said lazily.

“We might play jackbox, you in?” dream asked.

“Wait are any of you streaming?”

“Yeah, we’re doing jackbox to wrap mine up,” Karl supplied, and Sapnap hummed in response.

“What’s the code karl?” George questioned.

Karl shuffled at his desk, “um, it’s 6GF47. You playing, Nick?”

Sapnap stiffened. He prayed George and dream missed that bit.

“yeah, i'm pulling it up on my phone, hold on,” to which Karl hummed in reply.

Dream made a nosie of protest, “how come Karl gets to call you Nick, but it’s weird when I do it?”

Of course dream had to say something.

Luckily, George was there to save him, “wait, he doesn’t let you call him Nick? Wow, embarrassing,” he teased.

Sapnap and karl chuckled while dream stayed silent, submitting their prompts for quiplash.

“Wait, it’s about to start. Sapnap, please know that I mean this lightheartedly,” Karl giggled nervously.

Sapnap raised a brow at that but didn’t comment.

The prompt read, ‘SAPNAP can’t sleep because they’re thinking about ___’ 

“oh god,” Sapnap mumbled, and held his breath for the answers.

The first answer read, ‘Karl’ and the boys all chuckled at that.

The answer on the right appeared, and the boys went silent.

‘Rose’

Sapnap was quiet for a moment, before bursting out with laughter. He clutched his desk struggling to breathe, “Karl you’re so lucky we’re not together right now,” he managed.

The chat went crazy, _who’s rose?, KARLNAP?, what’s happening right now?_ Sapnap rolled his eyes at the messages flowing in.

Karl joined him, and the two sat giggling while there was silence from the other 2 boys.

It was revealed that dream had submitted ‘Karl’ while Karl obviously submitted the other. Dream took the win with 67%.

“this game is a lot more fun when George and dream pay attention,” karl mutters as they move onto the next round.

Sapnap felt his phone vibrate and saw a text from dream, _are you okay? That was kinda out of pocket_

_it was funny. Karl knows what’s out of pocket for me. It helps me cope,_ he replied.

_if you’re sure_

_:) i'm sure_

The game continued, the boys laughed, and finally George and dream announced they were tired. Karl and Sapnap said their goodbyes and that left the two alone.

“Alright, chat, that was a great stream, but unfortunately I do need sleep like normal people do. I’ll see you guys next time!” Karl said, quickly ending stream.

“Hey, the first quiplash wasn’t too much, right?” he asked nervously.

“Don’t worry about it, Jacobs. It actually helped, weirdly. I’m glad I can talk about it without it being weird. With you, anyways.”

“You don’t talk about it with George and dream?”  
  


Sapnap shrugged, “not really. I think they’re just afraid of me breaking down or some shit. Which is understandable, I mean, I’ve done it before.”

“I don’t mind a breakdown as long as you don’t.”

Sapnap smiled, “noted. I’m probably gonna try to get some more sleep in before the morning. I might listen to music first, I don’t really know.”

“Alright, I’ll hit the hay too, text me if you need me.”

“Night, Jacobs,” Sapnap said, before disconnecting and making his way to his bed.

He opened his phone right as he got a text from the Jacobs boy.

_This is one of my favorites right now :)_ with a spotify link attached. Sapnap clicked on the link, bringing him to an artist’s page.

**Frank Ocean,** he read as a song started playing.

_**My guy pretty like a girl** _

_**And he got fight stories to tell** _

_**I see both sides like Chanel** _

_**See on both sides like Chanel** _

He smiled as he laid back on his bed, music still blaring in his ears. He placed the song on loop, and closed his eyes, letting frank ocean sing him to sleep. He’s not ashamed to admit to himself he thought of one person before drifting to sleep, and it wasn’t Rose.

;

“Nick?” a voice called as Sapnap stood up in the field.

He recognized the voice and turned in shock to see that famous grin staring back at him.

“Karl,” he smiled, “how the hell are you here?”

Karl stepped forward until him and Sapnap were arms length away, “you tell me, it’s your dream.” he said, eyes full of affection, but Sapnap was sure he was making that up.

Sapnap laughed, “well, you’re not Rose, are you?”

Karl’s face fell slightly, “no I suppose not. Are you disappointed it’s me?”

“you could never disappoint me. Are you disappointed to be here?”

“you are the furthest thing from my disappointment.”

Sapnap lost his breath, and he took a step closer.

He saw Karl inhale and hold his own breath.

He cleared his throat, and spoke after a moment, “we have all night, so, do you wanna sit?”

Karl exhaled, “yeah, I think that’s a good idea,” he replied settling in next to Sapnap on the ground.

Sapnap sighed and leaned back until he was looking up at the sky. His breath hitched as he noticed the sky, now apparently dark blue. He looked over to see Karl’s blue sweater. He smiled. Karl turned to meet his gaze, “what?” he asked.

“Your sweater. It’s blue.”

Karl raised a brow, “congrats, George.”

“No, I mean, I usually can only see purple.”

Karl understood and smiled.

“Blue looks good on you,” Sapnap felt himself saying, heat rising to his ears.

“Boldness looks good on you,” Karl replied.

Sapnap choked at this, and felt himself sitting up to cough on his own embarrassment.

Karl quickly followed suit, rubbing circles on his back, “good?” he asked.

Sapnap brought his eyes to meet Karl’s. his eyes flickered to Karl’s lips, he hopes it goes unnoticed. It doesn’t, and suddenly Karl’s closing the gap. Sapnap’s eyes flutter shut, waiting for the other’s lips to meet his own.

Suddenly his eyes shoot open, and he sits up to find himself back in bed, dripping with sweat. He checks the clock, 7:12.

He realizes he’s left frank ocean playing. He rips out his airpods, powers off his phone, and runs his hands through his hair.

_What the hell was that?_

;


	2. Research.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap tries to get to the bottom of this.

Before he can think clearly, he’s grabbing his phone off his nightstand, hands still shaking, and making a facetime call. He holds his breath as he reads connecting… at the top of his screen.

He breathes out when he sees a concerned face and hears a sleepy, “Nick?” mumbled from the other line.

“Karl,” he breathes out, begging for something to ground him right now, something to bring him out of his thoughts.

Karl sits up, now hyperaware of the softness in the other’s voice, “hey Nick,” he’s cautious, strategic, “are you okay?”

“I am now,” he’s speaking without thinking, but he can’t really seem to care.

Karl smiled but stayed concerned, “what’s wrong? It’s 7:00 in the morning.”

When Sapnap stayed silent, Karl filled in the blanks for him, “another nightmare?”

Sapnap shook his head, “same dream, but it was… good? Or, I’m not really sure.”

“Wanna tell me about it?”

Sapnap shook his head again.

“Okay. Yeah, okay, that’s okay,” Karl listened to the other’s breathing for a moment and realized it was shaky. “Nick, look at me. Breathe. Tell me where you are.”

Nick took a breath, trying to steady it, “I’m… I’m in my room. I’m okay.”

“Yeah, you are. See? Everything’s all good.”

The two sat in silence for a couple moments, allowing for Sapnap to calm his nerves and ease himself back to reality.

Sapnap groaned, bringing the heels of his hands to cover his eyes. He let out a sigh, “sorry, Jacobs. That was probably weird.”

“You were about to have a panic attack?” Sapnap nods, “I get those too. Glad I could help.”

Sapnap couldn’t help but smile.

“How do you always do that?”

Karl raised a questioning brow.

“I mean, you always know what to say. It’s kind of annoying sometimes.”

Karl let out a short laugh and shrugged, “I know you better than you know yourself, idiot.”

“No way,” Sapnap snorted, “more like I’m incredibly predictable.”

“Probably more accurate.”

The two laughed, and fell into a comfortable silence.

“Sorry if this is, like, intrusive or whatever, but, do you know what triggered it? Or almost triggered it I should say.”

Nick thought. He considered writing it off as a coincidence, but relented to the voice in his head screaming _tell him_ , “it was probably because of my dream. It was… confusing to say the least. It’s really fucking annoying how dreams can force you to face your inner conflicts, huh?”

Karl giggled, “tell me about it. Your mind is probably trying to tell you something. Dreams are almost always meant to be self callouts.”

Nick rolled his eyes, which earned another giggle from Karl. Lately he finds that giggle echoing in place of…

“Are you gonna be alright if I dip and get a couple more hours of sleep?” Karl asked, thankfully interrupting his train of thought.

“Go back to sleep, Jacobs. I’ll be alright.”

“Okay, but if you need anything, call me. If I don’t answer, call Clay.”

Sapnap snorted again at this, “okay mom,” he muttered.

“Nick, I’m serious. Promise me.”

“I promise I’ll call you or Clay if I really need it. Trust me, Jacobs, I’ll be alright.”

“That was more for me then it was for you. Goodnight, I’ll call you when I wake up.”

“Sleep tight, Jacobs,” Sapnap said before ending their call.

He’d be lying if he said that didn’t make him feel less anxious, but it sure as hell didn’t provide any clarity. _Why the hell am I dreaming of kissing Jacobs?_ He got to his feet, and paced the length of his room, desperate for a conclusion that doesn’t end with a coming out. _There’s nothing wrong with me,_ he thought, trying to convince nobody but himself.

Sapnap made his way over to his pc and opened chrome.

What does it mean if you dream about kissing your best friend?|

He felt like a fucking idiot hitting enter in the searchbar.

His eyes scanned the first search result, **‘A dream of kissing a friend could mean you have hidden desires for that person.’**

_What the hell does hidden desires mean_

He scrolled through about 20 different articles, coming up with the same conclusion.

In simplest terms, **‘you want them, idiot.’**

He rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair. His eyes flickered to his phone sitting on the desk, and considered calling up a friend for advice. The thought was quickly pushed away and replaced with a new concern.

_So I’m obviously not straight by dream logic. Wait fuck. A sexuality crisis? Really?_ He groaned into his hands before clearing his search bar and typing in something new, bisexuality.

**'Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females, or to more than one sex or gender.'**

How do I know if I’m sexually attracted to men|

**'Think about the people you’ve “liked” in the past. Notice if you tend to develop crushes on people who are the same sex as you. This could be a sign that you’re gay or bisexual. For example, if you’re a guy who’s crushed on a soccer teammate, a fellow boy scout, and your best guy friend, you might be gay.'**

_Wait so do I have a crush on Karl ?_

_Yes dipshit_ , a voice in his head supplied.

_Okay so I suppose that settles that. But am I sexually attracted to Karl?_ The thought made heat find its way to his cheeks, and he quickly closed out his browser.

_Okay so I… like Karl, I guess. We got that far._ Sapnap sighed once more as he booted up Minecraft. He needed a distraction right now, and the Frank Ocean he’d previously pressed play on wasn’t doing much to help. He joined the SMP, unsurprised to find nobody else playing at this hour.

_Minecraft is the only thing I understand anymore._

;

Sapnap’s harvesting carrots from the community farm when he glanced at his phone just in time to see an incoming facetime call. He smiled not hesitating before pressing that green button.

“Good morning,” Nick said, laughing as his screen was filled with a barely awake Karl Jacobs.

“Morning,” he replied sweetly, and Sapnap couldn’t help but chuckle.

“What?” Karl asked, clearly an accusation.

“Nothing.”

Karl scoffed, “come on, you’re laughing at me.”

“You’re so fucking dramatic. Hop on the SMP with me, will you? I’ve been playing by myself for 3 hours.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You’re so needy,” Karl teased.

“Oh, shut up. Stop complaining. One day, I’m gonna stop asking to play Minecraft with you and then you’ll regret those words, Jacobs.”

“That wasn’t a complaint, Nick.”

Sapnap choked on nothing in particular, and rushed to mute his mic.

_Are you trying to kill me, Jacobs?_

He unmuted, “sorry, somebody knocked on the door,” it was a horrible lie, and Sapnap knew it, but how else was he supposed to play that one off?

“Right,” Karl said, unconvinced, “have you been on minecraft since I went back to sleep?”

“More or less,” Sapnap conveniently left out the part of the storyline where Karl caused his 8 AM sexuality crisis.

“you’re an idiot,” Karl laughed, as he joined the server.

Karl told Sapnap about an idea he had for a stream. Sapnap hummed in acknowledgement, although his mind was elsewhere. 

_God, I am so fucked._

;

_Wanna call?_ Dream had texted him. Sapnap checked the time, 9:11 PM. He’d spent the whole day pondering internal conflicts and playing fall guys, when did it get so late?

_Yeah one sec,_ he typed out, hopping on his discord and joining the voice call.

“Yo, Dream.”

“Hey Sap, where you been all day?”

“I’ve been around.”

Dream scoffed, “what’s up with you lately? You’re all angsty or some shit.”

“I’m not angsty, I’m just confused,” he spat, not meaning for the spite to show.

It was silent before Dream cleared his throat, “yeah, this is what I’m talking about. I’m sorry to be insensitive. I just… would you just talk to me? How long have we been friends? You know you can tell me anything, or whatever.”

“Or whatever,” he teased, “yeah it’s just, I gotta figure some stuff out. It’s not your fault or anything, just not ready to talk about it.”

Dream let out a sigh, “fair enough,” he replied, “blink twice if this has to do with-“

“God don’t even say it,” he groaned.

Dream wheezed, mumbled an apology before explaining the latest video he was about to post on his second channel.

“Are you even listening?” he demanded as he heard a chuckle come from Sapnap.

“Huh? Yeah, um, stans are awesome, haters are annoying, I got it.”

“What are you laughing at?”

“Karl’s waiting in our call. I feel kinda bad leaving him hanging.”

“What do you mean ‘waiting in our call’?”

Sapnap hesitated before explaining, “well we have this call where sometimes one of us joins randomly and we just wait for the other to join. Just when we’re bored I guess.”

Dream’s wheezing before he can even finish his sentence, “are you- I’m sorry,” another wheeze, “are you serious. That’s- dude you’re fucked. You’re so fucked.”

Sapnap rolled his eyes and tried his hardest to not be irritated when Dream’s wheezes slowly turn to a cackle, “you are unbearable. I don’t even wanna know what you’re insinuating.”

In the midst of Dream’s fit of laughter, a ping could be heard signalling another has joined their discord call. Sapnap smiled when he glanced to see who it was.

“Hey, Jacobs.”  
  


“Hello, Nick,” he said smugly, “Dream what is so funny that you’re keeping my fiancée more entertained than me?”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Dream replied, calming down, “he’s not your fiancée when we’re not doing lore and second of all, this idiot is doing all the entertainment.”

“What’d he say?”

“Jacobs, I’d tell you if I knew what was so funny.”

Karl sighed, “alright then. did you guys stream today?”

“No,” Sapnap mumbled, Dream muttering a ‘me neither’ shortly after.

“Sap, you haven’t streamed in like, 5 days.”

“I have an excuse.”

“Which is?” Dream prompted, which earned an eyeroll from the other.

“I’m going through a breakup.”

“From a year ago,” Karl deadpanned, which Sapnap laughed at.

“Man I’m just tired lately, let me live.”

Dream snorted but didn’t press the topic further.

“Do you guys wanna play fall guys?”

“No,” Dream demanded, which Karl giggled at.

“Nick, fall guys is fucking boring.”

Sapnap feigned hurt, “shut up,” he whined.

“Make me,” Karl said, without hesitation.

“You don’t want me to.”

This shut the other boy up, and the three fell into silence. An uncomfortable one.

Dream cleared his throat, “I feel like I should not be here right now.”  
  


Karl and Sapnap laughed at this, and just like that the tension dissipated. They talked for awhile before Karl said his goodbyes, and left to edit a video.

“What the hell was that?” Dream asked.

“Suddenly I’m exhausted. Night, Dream.”  
  


“Sapnap, what the hell? I swear if I see you in a call with Karl later-“

He disconnected before Dream could finish his sentence, laughing at himself. He sighed and made his way over to his bed. He did his nightly routine scrolling through twitter before settling in for sleep. He let his thoughts wander, although they came back to the same place everytime.

_Jacobs, you owe me for occupying my mind this much_ , he laughed at himself before he closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

;

When he turned around in the field, he was relieved to see a certain boy grinning back at him.

“Jacobs, it’s you, again.”

Karl smiled, his eyes crinkled. Sapnap added this to his mental list of things he appreciated about Karl.

“It is me, indeed. Surprised?”

“A little.”

“Why’s that?”

“I only saw Rose once.”

“I’m not her, remember?”

Sapnap breathed a laugh, not daring to break eye contact, “thank god for that,” he made a move to sit down on the ground, Karl soon to follow.

They laid back, hands brushing as they looked up at the sky.

“It’s so much nicer when you’re here,” Sapnap spoke as he turned to look at the other, only to find his eyes already looking back.

Karl smiled, “what is?”

“A lot of things,” he replied, breathless.

Karl laughed, “like what?”

“The sky, the breeze, and…”

“and?” he prompted.

Sapnap shuffled a little closer, if even possible and whispered, “me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You make me better, Jacobs.”

“That’s all you, Nick.”

“It’s not. You make me wanna be a better person,” they were both now blushing wildly, but neither could look away.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Sapnap just laughed in response, shaking his head, “do you make a habit of ruining the moment where we’re about to kiss?”

“You’re the one who woke up.”

“Touche.”

Sapnap laid back on the ground, hands pillowing his head. He let out a content sigh as he heard Karl giggle from his side. He quirked a brow.

“Do you remember when he stayed on call until like, 5 AM talking about ridiculous tourist attractions?”  
  


Sapnap joined his laughter, “of course. I don’t think I’ll get over the hammer museum in Alaska.”

“Seriously?” Karl snorted, “that might be the most normal out of all of them. Remember the potato hotel in Idaho?”

Sapnap cackled, “I can’t believe that’s a real thing. What about Monkey Island in Florida?”

“America is so embarrassing.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I wish we had something cool in North Carolina," Karl said with sigh.

“Are you kidding? I’ve wanted to go to Grandfather Mountain since I was a kid.”

Karl looked at him in disbelief, “what the hell,” he said, “I promise you it’s not as cool as the pictures make it seem.”

“Dude! Don’t crush my childhood dreams right now.”

“Whatever,” Karl rolled his eyes, “maybe I can take you there sometime. You know, in your dreams.”

Sapnap smiled and turned to face him. They’re mere inches away, and when Karl’s eyes flicker to his lips, he pretends not to notice.

Suddenly, his eyes flutter open, and he finds himself staring at his ceiling. He sighs and checks the time. 8:49 AM. At least these confusing ass dreams are fixing his sleep schedule.

I need some air, he thinks as he throws on a T-shirt and stumbles out to his porch. He breathes in, remembering the feeling of Karl’s hand brush against his in the breeze. He thinks of his blue fleece sweater, and what it might feel like to ghost his hands underneath it. He snaps himself out of it, heading back inside to make breakfast.

_If these dreams keep going like this, I might have to label it as more than a dumb crush._

;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this a shorter chapter, sorry about that but the next chapter is gonna be ... yeah, it's a long one.

**Author's Note:**

> here is the playlist link :) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2hSVmvvBqV3BexaMrQ9Hdk?si=LGAaeLc0SbaiD_bAj85Z3A


End file.
